8.15.24 Weekly News

Au Revior, Les Olympics

The 2024 Olympics officially ended on Sunday and I have nothing to live for now. JK JK! I have this Substack to write and I’m sure other reasons will come to me eventually.

The final days brought us an insane gold medal in the women’s 4x400 race. The gap was so large that you needed a split screen to see who was competing for silver. Steph Curry sank 3 after 3, securing a gold for US Men’s Basketball; US Women’s Basketball won gold for the 8th consecutive Olympics, prompting Nike to release this devastating ad. The USWNT also won gold, putting US women’s soccer back on top. And the world was introduced to Raygun, the breaking sensation from Australia who made us all realize we too could be Olympians.

All that’s left of the 2024 games are the legal challenges and the friends we made along the way. But I’m going to focus on the legal stuff because I love drama.

First in the world being terrible to women, Algerian boxer Imane Khelif got so much online hate after winning gold that she filed a criminal complaint for aggravated cyber harassment against the likes of J.K. Rowling and Elon Musk.

To quote Coco Montrese:

Why name J.K. and Elon? It’s because they falsely tweeted about Khelif being a man after there was an unfortunate dispute about her gender. For the record, Khelif was born a woman and lives as a woman. The Olympic Committee released a statement that, scientifically, Khelif is a woman. But that didn’t stop Rowling or Musk from spreading lies and sharing images of Khelif “enjoying the distress of a woman he’s just punched in the head.”

Again, Khelif is not a man. I don’t know how to make that any clearer. And neither apparently did she, hence the massive lawsuit. I hope this time next year, Khelif is a producer on the new Harry Potter show and forcing Tesla to cease production on all cyber trucks because I can’t keep seeing them on the road. They’re too ugly.

Then there’s the Jordan Chiles dumpster fire of a situation where she’s being asked to give her bronze medal back.

Chiles did her floor routine, initially coming in 4th behind Romanian gymnast, Ana Bărbosu. Jordan’s coaches challenged the score because the judges missed one of her moves and did not accurately rate the difficulty of her routine. The judges admitted they made a mistake, corrected the score, and Chiles won a bronze.

Romania, being the vampires they are, filed an appeal where they argued that Jordan’s coaches did not correct the score in time (they had one minute to raise the issue and correct the score). The IOC said “oop, you’re right! Jordan, give the medal back.” And USA Gymnastics said “absolutely not.”

Jordan’s coaches provided video evidence that they challenged the score within 47 seconds. The case then went to an arbitrator who said that the evidence was filed incorrectly. That arbitrator has been working for the Romanian government since 2011…

At this time, USA Gymnastics is appealing the decision to a Swiss tribunal. And if that doesn’t work, I believe the US military is preparing to drop garlic and wooden stakes all over the Romanian countryside.

Men Have Called Her Book Just Fine

When I heard that John Mulaney’s ex-wife, Anna Marie Tendler, was coming out with a memoir, I ran to my Libby app to put in a hold with my local library (I care and I want to read it, but I’m not going to pay money for it, ya know?).

Since its release on Tuesday, I have been working double time (read listening at 1.85 speed) to finish this book. Surely, I thought, there would be some juicy passage about how she found John snorting coke out of Olivia Munn’s belly button. But there was nothing! NOTHING!

She barely mentions John, aside from quick references to their marriage falling apart and some moments where she talks about them being in different places. Literally. She was in DC and he was in NYC, probably snorting coke off Olivia’s X-Men sword, but I guess I’ll never know.

Reading about their marriage from her perspective did make me realize that for years, he was the only one building the narrative around their relationship. This is the first time we’re hearing Anna’s version of their marriage and it’s not as rosy. She touches on their power imbalance; Anna relied on John financially and struggled to find her niche, trying at different points to be make up artist, a lampshade maker, and a museum curator.

Actually, her whole life seems to be dedicated to finding the thing she would excel at, but she never sticks with anything long enough to find out. She quit dance when she wasn’t as good as the other girls and failed out of cosmetology school. She gets bored with the lampshades and the make up. And before she entered the treatment center, she was spiraling in grad school, thinking it was too hard.

Anna definitely had some messed up relationships with men. She started dating older men in high school, ultimately moving to LA to be with a man she started seeing when he was 28 and she was 17. But the larger theme of her life seems to be less about men calling her crazy and more about her placing their opinions above her own. Even after she leaves the treatment facility and starts dating again, she seeks validation from her partners in a way that makes you wonder if she got anything out of the facility in the first place.

I mean, she did get a full psych eval there and it sounded awesome. She got to do an ink blot test and took all these cognitive tests. As someone who loves exams almost as much as I love hearing about myself, it made me seriously consider committing myself the next time I have thousands of dollars lying around. For now, I guess I’m stuck with my horoscope app and personality quizzes. But I want that damn psych eval!

Overall, Anna’s book is fine. It’s interesting to hear her perspective on her relationships, but not addressing her marriage head on feels like there’s an elephant in the room for the whole memoir.

I’m curious to see if she sticks with writing, given her track record. I really hope so because that girl needs a win after being married to a stand up comedian. That shit could take anyone down.

Other Little Tidbits

Y’all, I am so deep into the weeds on the It Ends With Us Drama. Up is down, black is white. Initially, I came out in favor of Justin Baldoni, the film’s director. But this week, I heard from someone who heard from someone who heard from someone on set that Justin was as bad as some blinds were saying (as an aside, I really need to get better sources).

Apparently, he was so misogynistic that the rest of the cast is refusing to work with him or do press with him. And Justin just hired the same crisis PR team that Johnny Depp used, so…it’s not looking good.

But for now, Internet is still on Justin’s side. I think it’s less about Justin and more about everyone wanting a chance to hate on Blake Lively. Suddenly, old interviews of her being rude are surfacing, along with videos analyzing her past relationships with her co-stars. It’s getting messy and the movie’s only been out for a week (and since it made $50 million in its first weekend, I doubt we’ll stop hearing about the drama any time soon).

Finally, the ray of sunshine in my week was Donald Trump’s pronounced lisp on his 2-hour incel rant with Elon Musk. I didn’t listen to the whole thing because I don’t hate myself, but Under the Desk news had some great clips. Personally, I think he was having some issues with his dentures, but I’m messy like that.

@underthedesknewsGuys. This is of genuine concern.

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That’s all I cared about this week!

See ya next week!

XOXO,

Emily