5.1.25 News of the Week
Nightmare Couples - Jojo Siwa, BJ Novak, Bill Belichick
The theme of this week's stack is "relationships that I don't want to talk about but need to as a serious pop culture reporter with DOZENS of readers who rely on me for the least important news in America." I am here for you, and we'll get through these relationships together.
Do I think any of these couples are going to go the distance? Maybe! After hearing the harrowing news that Gwyneth Paltrow is eating bread and cheese again, I fear the end may be upon us, so they honestly don't have to last long.
Jojo Siwa & Chris Hughes & Kath Ebbs
If you're thinking to yourself, "what is a Jojo Siwa" or "is Jojo Siwa some kind of rash," then I guess you haven't been paying attention to the self-proclaimed founder of gay pop. And honestly, if I had to consider giving myself a lobotomy to stop singing her song "Karma," then I'm exposing you to it to. Please don't hate me when her dance haunts your dreams.
So much stomping.
Jojo started out on the show Dance Moms, and while I know that Abby Lee Miller is hating this choreo, it tracks with who Jojo was — one of the weakest dancers on the show. Even Jojo says that she wasn’t the best, but she also knew that being bad at dancing was giving her more air time, so she went with it and thus, a star was born.
Since the show, Jojo started a YouTube channel, amassing a massive following from Gen Alpha. The channel was all rainbows and bows and made millions of dollars. Recently, she's been branching out into pop music and reality TV, including an amazing moment on Celebrity Special Forces where she carried famed sack of shit, Tom Sandoval, like it was nothing.
This year, she decided to try her hand at Celebrity Big Brother UK, which is where Chris Hughes comes in.
Did I know who Chris was before this? No. He's apparently famous for being on Love Island UK, releasing a successful rap single with one of his cast mates, and loving Juvederm. Hard pass.
Chris and Jojo initially bonded when he defended her from Mickey Rourke's homophobic comments (what is 2025?). After that, they were basically inseparable in the house. They snuggled at night, shared forehead kisses, and were constantly hugging or touching each other.
Putting aside the creep factor that Chris is 32 and Jojo is 21 (another hard pass from me), there's also the small issue that Jojo had a partner going into the house.
Enter Kath Ebbs, a 27 year old Australian DJ (oop, one more hard pass for the road). For weeks, Kath watched Jojo and Chris get closer in the house while still technically being in a relationship with Jojo. In fairness to Jojo, contestants aren't allowed phones, so there was no way for her to break up with Kath while filming.
Kath took to Instagram to express their feelings in a long ass Reel, as we all do. They claimed that Jojo love bombed them before going into the house, saying that Jojo talked about marriage and constantly told Kath how much she loved them. Kath detailed how hard it was to watch Jojo develop a public relationship with someone else while still in a committed relationship.
I get that it would suck to watch your partner cheat on you on national TV, and I hate to invalidate Kath's feelings, but I'm going to. Jojo is 21 years old. 21 year olds are straight up idiots. If anyone held me to something I said when I was 21 and on my fourth margarita of the day, I don't know where I would be right now. Probably prison or worse — still practicing law. If you're taking a 21 year old at their word, then to be honest, that's a little on you. Especially as the older person in the relationship.
Jojo and Kath are now officially over. They apparently broke up at the Celebrity Big Brother wrap party, where Kath showed up to cuss Jojo out and then dip. And Jojo and Chris are…? Chris said in an interview that he thinks they're friend soulmates, but I don't know Chris. I never spoon and kiss my friends.
As for Jojo, she is now identifying as queer instead of a lesbian. Because, you know, she's 21 and still figuring things out. Only time will tell if she and Chris go public with their relationship. One thing I do feel confident about is getting new music out of Jojo from this. I'm hoping for a wild new dance where she expresses her feelings through more stomps and hip thrusts. And that's art to me.
BJ Novak and Delaney Rowe
Can I take a moment to lie down on the floor? Because I am so tired of thinking about BJ Novak and Mindy Kaling. These two have been in some kind of weird friend/romantic entanglement since 2004 and I'm honestly just done hearing about it.
Apparently though, I am alone in that sentiment. On Sunday, DeuxMoi claimed that BJ is dating TikToker Delaney Rowe, who is a casual 16 years younger than him. People Magazine quickly followed up the claim with an exclusive report that the couple has been dating since November.
Almost immediately, parasocial Twitter blew up, wondering how Mindy is doing and how BJ could possibly be dating someone else. IDK parasocial Twitter, maybe because Mindy and BJ haven't been an official couple in 20 years? '
Sure, BJ is probably the father of Mindy's kids, but they've never confirmed that, so it is therefore none of our business. Whatever situationship they've got going on works for them (I guess/no longer care), and BJ and Mindy are free to date who they want. And who BJ wants is apparently someone 16 years younger than him. It’s a midlife crisis classic!
Bill Belichick and Jordon Hudson
And speaking of rough age gaps, legendary NFL coach, Bill Belichick, is also dating a much younger lady. The 73 year old is now having his PR and maybe his life run by his 24 year old girlfriend, Jordon Hudson.
The two have done a few red carpets together, but their relationship was on full display during an interview with CBS News' Tony Dokoupil that aired on Sunday.
What was supposed to be an interview about Bill's new book was quickly derailed by odd interjections from Jordon. She shut down any question she didn't care for, particularly when Tony asked them how they met. "We're not talking about this," she said from behind the monitors. Tony, clearly taken aback, tried to push on the subject, but Jordon told him to move on.
Jordon was apparently there because she’s now running Bill’s PR (fair, since Bill thinks that Instagram is called Instaface). While, like Jordon, I am not a PR expert, I don't think that refusing to answer basic questions during a filmed interview was the best move.
And Internet agrees with me! People found the interview weird and off-putting. So off-putting, that Bill (aka Jordon) had to release a statement saying that she was only trying to keep the interview on track and that everything in their relationship is totally fine. Have fun, you crazy kids!
Billy Ray Cyrus and Elizabeth Hurley
In some kind of freak 90s fever dream, Billy Ray Cyrus and Elizabeth Hurley are somehow dating?
I'm not sure how they met or what they have in common besides extensive hair care routines. But I do like that their pictures together look like they're from Glamour Shots at the mall.
Ugh, that poor tree. It was minding its own business taking carbon dioxide out of the air when these two weirdos came over for a photoshoot.
Travis Unfollows Ryan
In the latest installment in the mess that is Blake Lively's life, Travis Kelce recently unfollowed her husband, Ryan Reynolds, on Instagram. In fairness, Travis is also not following Taylor Swift or Blake, but according to Internet, he did at one point follow Ryan.
In case you need a refresher (DAD!), Travis and Taylor are dating, and Taylor was/is best friends with Blake and Ryan. But they've seemingly had a falling out after Justin Baldoni revealed texts from Blake calling herself "Khaleesi" and referring to Taylor as one of her dragons. Taylor was apparently annoyed by the comments and frustrated that Blake dragged her into her weird feud with Justin. Relatable!
Taylor and Blake haven't been seen together recently. A source told People that they've made up, but whether that source is coming from Blake's camp or Taylor's, I'm unsure. And now that Taylor's boyfriend has unfollowed Ryan? The messsss continues.
As an editorial note, I am aware that Kanye is still having a breakdown on Twitter and a lot of crazy rumors are coming out about his relationships with famous men. If you're interested in that, you can do your own deep dive. I'm making the decision that I will not be profiling Nazis on my Substack.
Especially not on my sissy's birthday! Happy birthday to the greatest human in the universe, my sister, Rachel. She tells me all the time to get off Internet but I never listen and now she has this whole stack about shitty couples dedicated to her! What a b-day treat!
XOXO,
Emily
I listened to part of Nick Viall's podcast with Jojo and I too seem to be on the Jojo side of this.